Discipline is tricky.
On one hand we have fear of the things that can (and do) go “wrong”. We inadvertently fragilize our kids to try and keep them safe and happy, and try to keep us sane. On the other hand, we lose our cool when they “misbehave”. Then we yell or punish them while cutting off compassion. All without addressing the inner state of what is going on with them. Resulting in microtraumas as they feel unseen, unheard and alone while in pain.
All parents have moments on both sides of these dialectics. It really is good and correctable when it happens. Also an opportunity to teach our kids what to do when you are imperfect/make a mistake. Fortunately, there is a big, beautiful middle path. Where we are staying in an ideal zone of consistent but flexible consequences. While staying gentle and easy on our kids as they learn the lessons they need to learn about life.
We can avoid fragilizing them. Giving them the gift of learning from their mistakes, owning the natural consequences. All while loving them, hearing them and seeing them. Being by their side as they get back up and move on to the next opportunity to “grow” or “glow”. This is the positive discipline that research shows to be most effective in teaching our kids the lessons we want to teach them.
